That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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