My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
