Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
