Capitaan dildo arrescate!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
