he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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