dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
