weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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