Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
