Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
