so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
