i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
