this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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