My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
