I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just googled if crying burns calories
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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