We won't sleep together?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
birth control should be required to get into college
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
