i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
