Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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