Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
