i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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