my phone needs a breathalizer
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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