the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
