And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
