Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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