My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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