he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
