Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
