I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
