Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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