He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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