I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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