i just had sex bonerless
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't deserve a penis
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
