It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
