Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
