Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize