No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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