You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
