tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
