imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
