there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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