First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
