I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
