She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
