let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
