he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
