I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
