i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
