i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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