She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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