Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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