I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
did i just pee glitter
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
