Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
