Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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