I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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