We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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