If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
