Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do vagina's smell?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
