That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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