At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
