My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
