Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
