Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
